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so i went

for my medical, with this crazy doctor, who practically told my mum she hadn't brought me up well :/ BOLLOCKS, is all i have to say to that, my mum's tried her hardest, how the fuck does he know how she's brought me up, yeah anyways getting off track there, so i had to fill in a huge questionnaire before i went all about what happened in the accident, like my injuries, and what happened afterwards, like dreams etc. and so now iv gotsa go to cbt, tho i doubt its gna help much, cos it cant take away the guilt i feel, sure maybe it can help with the anxiety and whatever idno. iv been recommended to go to cbt before, for like my nervousness and total and utter fear of public speaking, but i never got it sorted out. my mum said i can try and talk about that while im there but idno aha. oh wellll, we'll see. i had an interesting conversation with matthew last night, not accident related, to do with something else, but i dont think it helped me in anyway, im just back where i was before, and i was just starting to come to terms with things, but que sera sera. and thank fuck for rhiarn tbh because she's been such a big help recently, i actually don't know what id do without her. i went to see bandslam today with laura and amy aka joe and nick, it was really good :) i love vanessa hudgens :) going to york tomorrow with the rents and the sister :) should be an awesome day, cos i love york. then heather's birthday cinema trip and meal, and maybe the quiz, then stopping at sammy's wednesday, we're gna have total binge of sugary goodness, and a million films, then check ucas :S, then getting results on thursday, meal with the rents and the sister, out in town for either celebrations or drowning my sorrows, prolly the latter, then fatty, helen, millie, louise and ruth are staying at mineeeeee :), work friday and saturday maybe? that reminds me i need to go collect my moneys tomorrow, and that is my plans so far :) oh and g force a week tomorrow, then leeds festival that wednesday to sunday, i can't wait! it's gna be immense. then visiting viola and yvonna hopefully <3 that's all from me, i think iv talked, or written, for long enough.
over and out.

okay so i think its time

to post about my holiday, literally the best two weeks of my life, i just forgot about everything back home and had an amazing time. We arrived tuesday morning about six kavos time. we were separated from millie and gemma, but not too far away. our appartment was right next to pool and so nice, it was on two levels and me and helen shared a double bed upstairs and emily and steven had a twin room downstairs, then we had a kitchen/ dining/ sitting room downstairs and a bathroom upstairs. then we went out and food shopped, and went to the nearest beach, it was disgusting. at three we went to the welcome meeting, then went to find a better beach, which we did, and also discovered socratis, which kinda turned into our home away from home. wednesday we booked a couple of excursions - the bar crawl and beach barbecue - then went to the beach for the day. we went out wednesday night, it was amazing, alcohol was so cheap, emily got so drunk, as per usual. we spent pretty much everyday at the beach. on saturday we went on the first bar crawl, which was so much fun, they did games along the way, steven took part in one, it was hilarious. icant even properly remember how we spent our days, mostly at the beach then out quite a few night. on the second tuesday we went on another bar crawl, but me and millie left early cos we were bored, and we went to socratis for the night, where we made friends with viola and yvonna, two polish who worked there. they're awesome, two of the nicest people iv ever met! we went out with them a couple of nights. wednesday i think it was, me, gemma, steven and gemma, decided we wanted to stay up and watch the sunrise, but gemma went back early cos she was tired, and me and millie went back at about three or four cos we were quite tired and it was cold on the beach, on friday me, steven, gemma and helen went into corfu town for shopping, and we went on a boat trip in a glass bottomed boat, and to a sea lion show, it was so cool, then we went back to the appartment and me, steven and gemma went to the beach, and me and at two me, viola, and yvonna decided to go out,  so went back to the appartment and woke emily and helen up, good times :) saturday was another bar crawl, but me and millie gave it a miss, and went to the beach and viola gave me a present but told me not to open it til after midnight. sunday was our last night out, and yvonna and viola came with us, the police were everywhere and the music kept having to be turned off in the clubs, millie went home early cos she wasn't feeling good, then we got some vodka and fanta and went to the beach, then i decided to go home, but yvonna and viola convinced me to stay, then steven and gemma disappeared off to dance, and we lost yvonna as well, so me and viola headed back to the club to dance, then went back on to the beach with some scottish guys, to discover helen and emily had disappeared. so me and viola went back to the scottish guys appartment, with much protest from me, eventually i decided to go cos i needed to pack so me and viola left at seven, we had to be out the room by half twelve. i got back in at about quarter to eight, and steven was asleep outside in a chair. i went to bed and woke up at ten. then emily came in at eleven from sheldon's. after packing we spent the day at the beach, went into kavos and got tee shirts, ate at socratis then we said our goodbyes and gave presents to yvonna and viola and headed back to the appartments at about one, where we got picked up and taken to the airport for our six o' clock flight, then back to not so sunny england.
so its taken me long enough to post this, and now everythings just kind of going wrong with exam results being on thursday, stuff with my mum, and other things just sending me crazy.
but hopefully once that's all over/ sorted out, it'll be time to relax, and we're hopefully going to go and see viola and yvonna when they come to london :) it'll be good to see them again. it's fair to see i miss them and kavos a fair bit, and im definately going back next year.

well

what an interesting weekend i have had. it's fair to say it has also been a very painful weekend, due to the fact that i had a car crash. me, danny and kate had just set off from my house and were coming along the top of my street, on the way to sheffield pride, when this other guy was coming around the corner the other way in the middle of the round, at least double the speed i was going. so i ended up with lips four times the normal size, and frictions burns on my cheek, nose, chin, lip and neck. i look like that woman from top model. not a good look i must say. danny came out of it with chest pains, and kate an injured arm and head and a black eye. whereas the other guy was perfectly fine. and my car's being written off. im not happy about that at all. im getting a hire car tho. but i am scared about driving it. i just keep thinking of ways i could have prevented it all from happening, i just feel guilty, i know there was nothing i could have done, there was no way i could have stopped in time but i dont know. i hope he gets his licence taken from him. my lips are so sore :( and ellie had to wash my hair for me haha and i cant brush my teeth properly and i have to drink through a straw and i keep dribbling which ellie and mum take great delight in making fun of. meal tonight tho and the saturdays tomorrow, samba on wednesday, laser questing thursday, kate's stopping at mine friday, samba gig saturday :) good week.
Do you seek attention or hide from it?
hide. always hide. ihate attention. idon't understand why some people crave it. it's just rediculous. iget embarassed by attention from other people, especially if it's compliments or whatever. ihide my feeling alot to avoid getting attention. im so quiet because iprefer to avoide attention rather than attract it.
If you knew that a friend's significant other was cheating on him or her, would you tell your friend the truth or keep it to yourself?
to be honest id tell them, cause i know if it was happening to me id want to know, but then again they migh not believe you over their 'significant other' but you've gotta give it a try, because you'll just feel guilty if you don't tell them as you know what's going on, and they will prolly find out even if you don't tell them, then if they find out you knew all along and didn't tell them, then they're gna feel betrayed or whatever.

Writer's Block: Ripped from the Headlines

What news story have you heard or read lately that made you really angry? What about one that made you really happy?
id say one that made me angry was the one about those nine and ten year old boys being practically beaten to death by two other ten year old boys. i mean how sick, they're ten for fucks sake, how did young children get to be so violent, they apparently had knives as well. how does a ten year old get hold of a knife, well i understand from the home or whatever, but at their age they shouldn't even contemplate using them in such a way. godd, it's like that year seven at our school, there's something wrong with children now, i'd never have even thought at ten years old to carry a knife let alone use it to harm someone else.

Writer's Block: Previously on My Journal

If a friend started reading your journal today, what would you need to fill them in on so they could understand what you're writing about?
well this depends, cause im gna make all my posts friends only at some point soon, so that will mean explaining to kate about my mum, which is gna be hard, but i think it'll do me good to tell someone and talk to someone about it, but regarding the ones that are currently friend only, id still have to explain a bit about my mum, and idont know nothing else really, itend to rant about my mum alot ;)

Writer's Block: Grab and Go

Scenario: For exactly 1 minute, you get access to all the databases of all the intelligence agencies in the world (CIA, FBI, KGB, MI-5, etc). What do you want to find out before time is up and you're caught and jailed forever?
i'd prolly try and find out the name of my real dad, i know ellie would like that, so that's prolly what i'd do, cause even tho id go to jail, ellie would be happy as she's wanted to find that out for agers, i know that doesn't really seem like  significant thing to find out, but i know it'd mean alot to her, and i think it'd be interesting to know, since there is currently no way for us to find out. aha. :)

Writer's Block: Confidences

Who do you think it is easier to talk about your problems with: your friends, your family, or strangers?
well definately not my family, seen as my mum is the cause of most of my problems, iv tried to talk to my dad and sister but they don't seem to understand even tho it affects them as welllll. i can talk about some problems with tom, but not to do with my mum, i just can't seem to bring myself to be able to talk to any of my friends about that. i moan to kate alot aha. i think id find it easier to talk to strangers about some things to be honest, such as my mum, that's what websites recommend, that i get counselling. haha. oh well. im done. over and out.

apparently

i have to do this cos iv been taggeddd by kate, i proper hate her ;)
so here's five amazingly good facts about me



Fact Un
i sawww monster vs aliens on wednesdayyy and it was awesomeee and so funny
'i think that jello gave me a wrong number' hahaha
and me and kate now have amazing monster names, hannahtron and kateosaurus
oh yes that's right we are totally cool

Fact Deux
ilove fancy dress, i mean seriously love it. i own four outfits personally, and my last birthday was fancy dress, it was awesome. i was little red riding hood, cos am cool like that.

Fact Trois
i am totally immature for my age, and according to my mum i live in my own little world, and i must say i do, and it's pretty damn awesome to be honest, who needs to be mature when you've got friends like mine.

Fact Quatre
im kinda obsessed with ebay, i spend wayyy too much money on that website, and also on jewellery, but i have my own card now so s'all good ;) im also slightly obsessed with fan:fic especially skins.

Fact Cinq
i go to samba every wednesday and i adore it, it's so fun, repinique is absolutely the best instrument ever, kate is a snare kid tho, she can't help it, she's just not good or cool enough for repinique, oh yeahh, i went there ;) she's prolly gna kill me for that, but she deserves it, she can never find her microphone.





welll that's it, my five great facts. the end.